One Flesh : The Secret to a Blessed Marriage

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Click on the cover image above to read some pages of this book! If you go out and ask ten married couples the secret to their marriage, you will probably get ten different answers. Someone will say, "Love is my secret," while someone else will shout out, "Respect! There is no right or wrong answer to this question. All of these responses are good, and we need each and every one of these examples. But what about you? What is your secret to a happy marriage?

If you are not yet married, what do you think is the secret to a blessed marriage? Well, I was 17 years old when I gave myself up to him. He was However, now, 30 years into the marriage, I feel used and dishonoured. Within 13 years into our marriage, in , we accepted, Jesus Christ as our Lord and Saviour.

Then he confessed his affairs to me. One of our HH leaders, in , once advised my husband that he should not have had confessed his affairs to me because it will linger on. Well, of course it will. I am not a robot that have no feelings! I am human! The wound is deep. However, having said that. I used the money to pay off store cards that I used to buy clothes, food, and some niceties for the kids as they were growing up like Playstations, Barbie dolls, Legos, when I could have had bought those cheap blocks or dolls and video games, I suppose, from WalMart or Woolies, or at the Reject shop.

I had never used an iota of those credit cards to cigarettes, alcohol, drugs, affairs, etc. However, he states that the gravity of the affairs is just the same as the gravity of the dollars. I know we both kept secrets, I kept mine for only 2 years, his was 13 years.


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That was not the end of it, I found out after a year, in , that he had a private yahoo email that he was keeping for 6 months. I asked him what his password was, I sensed that he was very uncomfortable with my asking and he was giving me a wrong password. When I asked again, he still gave me a wrong one.

Secrets, Privacy & One Flesh Marriage

The third time I asked, he gave me the correct password. I then asked if it was alright to go into his email. He said it was ok, but I sensed some discomfort from him. So, I looked into his email, and I saw that he had deleted a lot of conversations he was having with his old friends in high school and at his past employment with his best workmate.

They were also speaking in a dialect wherein I would not understand. I must let you know that these friends of his to whom he remains in close contact with to this very day remain best of best friends with his crush, to this very day, particularly the wife of the man. Does it still hurt? I gathered, my husband never pursued her after, though he wanted to, because it was his pride that took over.


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My husband is a prideful man. That response of my husband to his friends haunts me till this day. I would have felt honoured if he would have not asked of how many children she already had. Did he wished they were his children with her instead? I would have felt honoured if he answered them with.. But NO! That response stabs me till this day. I believe I was a fluke.

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That was just a response he had to give me because he knew very well the reason why he asked. He even told me that he needed to have his own privacy too. That shocked me to the core. Is that how he sees marriage? We claim to be christians!

"To Be One Flesh" - What Makes a Marriage Successful?

But what is a christian marriage to him? One that keeps secrets? I, however, happen to have, per chance, been able to go into his work email, because he went into his work email through our computer at home and he forgot to log out in all the windows, that I was able to see his contacts. I was again stabbed to the heart, virtually speaking , when I saw the work email of his high school crush in there. I asked him about it, and he continued to deny it.

I copied paste it and emailed it to him, but he continued to deny it.

He never wants me to go to his work email. He continues to deny that he accepts private emails in there, when he forwards private emails from his work email into our shared email, go figure. Since social network came out, he is constantly on Facebook, first thing in the morning, and last thing at night. I honestly believe that he sends emails to these friends of his crush, about my insecurities and about our marriage woes, that is why he does not want me to go to his work email.

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It would be good if he was proud to put our photo together as his profile picture. But it seems that he is not proud of me as his wife. I have let myself go though the years, as I had my career and family to care for. My husband never thought of doing anything together with me on a constant basis. I must also add that my husband is an IT expert, so he knows the ins and outs of the net and knows how to hide things in the net.

Many times, I want to give up, because many times I have caught my husband pretending not to be going to the net. Whenever he says that, it depresses me, and makes me feel low, and puts my self-esteem down. Because God knows, I do try. I am not an extrovert as my husband.

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He loves mingling with other people, that at times, he forgets that I am with him. He says that my pouting is disrespecting him. He knew before he married me, that I pout a lot, that I frown a lot, sometimes, I am not aware I do it. He says I want to control him because I monitor his computer log ins, that I always want to be with him. My husband is also a basketball addict, he has been playing basketball almost three times to four times a week since we were married.

It was only after his appendicectomy in that he reduced his playing basketball. I do not trust my husband any more. All I ask from him is that he regains my trust, but there does not seem to be any effort from him to regain my trust. Is it disrespecting him when I cannot trust him? Is it disrespecting him when I am writing these to you?

Whenever, I needed reassurance from him, I ask him, if he loves me, he answers yes. He says that he is mine, and adds that he loves me the way a cat loves a fishbone.